Excerpt About False Will
The Feeling of CastrationOne's understanding of what will is changes as one's work progresses. Initially, what we take to be will is the pushing and efforting of the ego in its attempt to make ourselves, others, and reality itself, conform to how we think it should be. We call this false will in our work, and when we inquire fully into it and begin to disidentify from it, a sense of deficiency is exposed that carries with it a feeling of castration. We feel that something is missing, that we are inadequate, that we have no inner support or capacity to persevere. This painful sense of deficiency often manifests as the actual sensation of an emptiness where we know our genitals to be, and they may feel devoid of feeling as we are working through this "hole" or sense of absence. These are all indications that we have lost contact with the essential quality of will, of which fake will is a facsimile, an attempt on the part of the personality to recreate that which it believes it has lost.